Peterborough’s Conservative councillors have formed a Shadow Cabinet not to be confused with a functioning cabinet, a kitchen cabinet, or anything that casts actual shade. This elite squad of clipboard-wielding hall monitors has pledged to “ensure good decision-making” by the coalition administration, which is a bit like forming a book club to supervise a bonfire.
The leader of this shadowy ensemble? None other than the Owner / Only Person in control (PSC) at PCRFM a man who’s mastered the art of broadcasting civic concern between traffic updates and the weather in Whittlesey. It’s like appointing the school radio DJ to audit Ofsted.
Combined age: allegedly 904. But emotionally? Somewhere between Year 7 and “I didn’t do my homework because the dog ate my scrutiny.” If you stacked their maturity end-to-end, you’d barely reach the bottom shelf of a strip joint not that they’d be allowed in. The bouncer would take one look and say, “Sorry lads, we don’t do cosplay for local government.”
Even if the actual cabinet blew the entire budget on glitter, gin, and questionable lap dances, the Shadow Cabinet would still be outside, arguing over who gets to hold the clipboard. Their idea of oversight? A strongly worded email and a group photo in front of a locked door.
It’s students marking their own homework, except the students are dressed as prefects and the homework is a live grenade. They’re not so much shadowing the cabinet as playing dress-up in its silhouette.
Tune in next week when the Shadow Cabinet investigates why the council’s printer only works on Tuesdays and whether the mayor’s chair is too comfy to be democratic.
